Citizens! Did you see that amazing season finale? Of course you did – Why would you miss it!? So many different things happened and so many questions need answers. Well lucky for you – I’m going to give you some of those answers! But before i do… Can we just have a moment of silence for poor Morgan? She was an undercover operative for us here at Homeland and she’ll be missed terribly. I’ll spare you the details of her horrendous murder, but just know this: the resistance will pay for her murder. One of the Transitional Authority’s finest, Sgt. Holman, is on the case and will not rest until justice is served. (Coincidentally – Sgt. Holman also won “Who owned the episode” on the Talk Colony Podcast this week. I’m thinking he paid someone off. CoughTRACEYCough)
On to the biggest BURNING question: What the heck was that button I pushed at the end of the episode? I’ll tell you, but PLEASE promise to keep it to yourselves. It’s a little…embarrassing.
Even though I could have earned a GIANT promotion and a lot of good will with our Hosts, I certainly DID NOT activate a beacon to call in a Drone Walker to handle the Bowmans while I escape with the gauntlet. Here’s what really happened…
Put yourself in my position for a moment: I have the entire Bowman family and the gauntlet with me inside the exclusion zone! Guns are drawn and the situation was extremely tense. We made it through – BUT – I may or may not have had a mild heart attack during the whole affair. So that button? Simple – It’s the latest device made by Life Alert. (Ya know – the “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!” people.) I thought I may need a paramedic or emergency services – so I pressed the button. See? Embarrassing. What they didn’t show you (because they cut to credits early) was me deactivating the Life Alert as I realized I didn’t need any medical assistance.
End. Of. Story.
STATE OF THE COLONY
My fellow Colonists…
Our Colony is in the middle of an evacuation protocol. Please follow your Transitional Authority soldiers to leave the bloc immediately. This is for YOUR protection and survival. Critical services and rations will no longer be available in the LA bloc so please, go now.
Broussard, very generously, has offered to stay behind and assist the sick and elderly with their evacuation. Who knew he would be such a good guy. On a quick side note – Ryan Condal… You #BetterBringBackBroussard
Morgan has died. The Bowmans have left. Maddie is going to the Factory and The Greatest Day is complete nonsense. Oops…did I say that out loud?
Time to go…Stay safe Colonists!
All my best,
Proxy (Governor General?) Alan Snyder
With what is going to happen to LA bloc, do you think you have a good chance to run the new bloc?
I’m not sure if I’m going to accept the new Governor General position or the recently opened Ambassadorship. Either way, I will continue to be the person all citizens can count on. And I’m sure I’ll end up saving Helena a third time. Seems to be what i do…
Will Proxy Snyder be getting his own spin off show?
Lisa, first and foremost – Thank you for recognizing my brilliance. Secondly, I’m sure all the networks are considering Proxy Snyder shows and hope to have 12 – 15 different shows on TV across 4 or 5 nights per week. Perhaps a 24 hour all-Proxy all the time channel? I like it.
From Erin C. (TiBS):
How do you think Tory Kittles will feel when he finds out I that I’m really pro-Proxy and just love you to pieces, Mr. Snyder?
Erin, thank you for finally admitting it. He’ll get over it – in fact, he’s probably used to it by now.
Just exactly how big was that spider that Broussard brought along for the meet-up? More importantly, did the spider get what all spiders deserve?
That [CENSORED] [CENSORED AGAIN] spider was [CENSORED A THIRD TIME] huge! It’s dead dead dead! I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Gotta go!
That’s it for this week! Thanks so much for reading! Season three is only another 278ish days away – but stay tuned for any future Colony news, updates, or more made up nonsense that I decide to write! (Nonsense like the question from Erin…She’d NEVER say that!)